Monday, December 11, 2006

hello to say good bye

I don’t think I can forget my wedding date. It’s the day my train pass expires.

It can be an extremely harrowing, hectic perhaps even fulfilling a day. For me, it was remarkably calm. I woke up early, didn’t really take a shower and even managed to tuck in a large cup of strawberries and cream, fresh from a popular mid-town juice centre.

There are inflection points in your life – you can either ignore them, let go, or you can stand to regret them. It’s too early to tell if I’m going to regret this. The problem begins when you start to expect it to change your life, to make a difference. Expectation is clearly, the mother of all fuck ups. If you could just learn to ignore it – the feeling of excessive elation or massive disappointment.

Why is that you need the endorsement of an event to feel fulfilled?

Why are you so scared of letting go?

Why is your presence more significant than anyone else’s?

Are you going to reach a milestone that no one else has?

Are you going to disappear and no one will ever remember you?

Maybe you’re making a rather large mountain here out of a non-existent mole hill. Maybe you need to pay a little less attention to the rock on the left hand and focus more on the road ahead.

Maybe I just want to commemorate my non wedding day.

Maybe if you throw me together with a few more folks, I’ll just bell-curve out.

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Anonymous said...

As TS Eliot wrote in 'The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock':

'...There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—
[They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”]
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse...'

But, keep the faith. Not in events. Or individuals. But in yourself and in Life. In Love and in Time.

Anonymous said...

for starting out to become 'two' in the good ol' nature's way...